The First Silver Lining

 “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose.” Romans 8:28 NIV

May I share this with you?

 

Essentially, the broken home had me at the core. There would come times when I felt it was my fault:

“I was born by accident then brought chaos and tough decisions and more chaos,

to the Eve of seed and

the Adam that watered it to create–

me.”

I thought.

Years into my adolescent hood, I felt

guilty

unloved

unappreciated

lost

but all at the same time

special

chosen

set-apart.

A pastor once told my parents and I that I was a very “gifted” child, with a destiny that would change the dynamic of my family forever.

Well, obviously, I changed my family forever,

literally (ha!)

But seriously…

What if God intentionally sent me as the first born to take all the heartbreaks, curses, and failures for my sisters? God knows none of them could handle all the forms of abuse, neglect, disrespect, and violence I witnessed for many years, in my household. What if He sent me to even redeem the hope of my parents?

God knows only I could suffer the way I have, then further suffer from seeking empty promises from

also broken, young men  little boys

trying to fill those empty spaces in my heart.

But little did I know

there was only room for Jesus

to dwell there

I couldn’t beg broken souls

to dwell there

I couldn’t force another

whose heart was of holes,

to dwell there

too…


God tested and tested me

through failure, success, and more failure

I was still being built

Every encounter and experience was a building block for my five-foot-one, petite self

to stand on and look over

that cold, formidable wall the enemy had built over the years–

of unforgiveness

of bitterness

of jealousy

of denial

of self-condemnation.

So, a footstool was made

for me to look over this wall

and take a peep at the layout of treasured promises my God had waiting

at different destinations in my life.

But as I thought I had a good, steady glance

the wall kept getting higher.

Sometimes I forgot that I could make my foot stool taller, too.

Still, I would get discouraged and doubtful…but I didn’t get lost

all over again.

I had already accepted the promises God said were mine. So,

I tread on.

I pray on.

I press on.

With Love at my side, this entire time, like my side-kick

I accepted

Him–

my true best friend, my true first love

I accepted

this Love

as He loved first.

I accepted

this need to forgive

as He forgave first.

Everything I searched for was right here. Everything I lacked was right here.

And He healed me, stitching up those tears in my little ol’ heart.

Then, He took it, held it, then said

“Yes, only you can do what you were sent to do. You are the silver lining. The same one who disrupted will restore because I work through you, My love.”

So now, I trust in a better today and tomorrow

for my family and I.

I trust in my purpose, for all things will work out for the good

of my family and I.

 

All because of Love.

© 2016 Lucy Yeboah All Rights Reserved

2 thoughts on “The First Silver Lining

  1. Amen. I enjoyed reading this post. Sometimes, we go through certain situations that we may never understand earlier on in life but God uses our pain for his glory. May he continue to use you for his kingdom. Stay blessed.

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